maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
