Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
