now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
In other news, I just burned my penis
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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