I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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