You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
