It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize