just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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