Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
