My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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