I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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