I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
