I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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