Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
