honey bunches of taint.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
