I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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