Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
