I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
