my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
