I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Randomize
