im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
