I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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