how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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