one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
