If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
