He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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