went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
