Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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