The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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