tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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