He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
