I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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