4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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