I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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