U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
