i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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