you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize