if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
