it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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