I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
