it's like iHOP with fire
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
