Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
