I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
