Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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