dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
