Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
