dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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