The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
