I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
