I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have demons in me.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
