she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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