i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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