brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize