he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
