I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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