I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
