I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
