Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
