i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
