I just pynch a tree in the face
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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