I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
