Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
