Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
