so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
