if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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