Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
