And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
