somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
