I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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