Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
how drunk are you?
Several
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
