Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
