I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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