is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
