Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
